When people hear the phrase "regulating emotions," they sometimes think it means shutting feelings down or pushing them away. But regulating emotions isn't about pretending you don't feel something. In fact, ignoring or suppressing emotions often makes them stronger and more likely to surface in unhelpful ways later. True emotional regulation means learning how to acknowledge what you feel, give it space, and then choose how to respond in a way that serves you.

Why Suppression Doesn't Work

Suppression is like trying to hold a beach ball underwater. You might keep it down for a while, but the pressure builds, and eventually, it bursts back up. The same happens with emotions. When we tell ourselves "I shouldn't feel this way" or "I just need to get over it," the feeling doesn't disappear—it lingers beneath the surface and can come out as stress, irritability, or even physical symptoms.

What Regulation Really Means

Regulation is about creating balance. Instead of letting emotions completely control your actions, you learn to notice them, understand their message, and choose how to move forward. This doesn't mean you won't ever feel overwhelmed or upset—it means you'll have tools to steady yourself when you do.

Skills for Regulating Without Suppressing

1. Name the emotion.

Often, just putting a label on what you're feeling—sadness, anger, fear, excitement—can bring a sense of clarity and calm. It helps the brain organize the experience instead of leaving it as a vague, overwhelming sensation.

2. Allow it to be there.

Instead of fighting an emotion, see if you can let it exist without judgment. You might say to yourself, "I notice I'm feeling anxious right now. That makes sense, given what's happening." This gentle acknowledgment takes away some of the emotion's intensity.

3. Use your body to help your mind.

Breathing slowly, stretching, or taking a short walk can send calming signals to your nervous system. Regulating your body creates space for your emotions to settle without needing to push them away.

4. Shift your focus, not your feelings.

You don't have to stay stuck in an emotion to honor it. After acknowledging it, you might choose to redirect your attention—listen to music, talk to a friend, or focus on a task. This doesn't deny what you feel; it helps keep the feeling from taking over.

5. Reflect instead of reacting.

When you pause before responding, you give yourself a chance to decide what action aligns with your values rather than what the heat of the moment demands. For example, instead of snapping in anger, you might choose to communicate directly but calmly.

Regulating emotions is not about control in the sense of clamping down—it's about guidance. You can think of your emotions like waves: you don't stop the ocean, but you can learn how to ride the waves without being swept away. By practicing awareness, acceptance, and thoughtful responses, you can build a healthier relationship with your feelings—one where emotions are neither suppressed nor overwhelming, but part of the flow of being human.